Getting straight to the point: here are 2 of my B1 students' essays and my corrections. In this case, examples of the corrected essays speak louder than any articles on how to do it right. Keep in mind that in a Word format all the corrections are made in red so you can easily spot your mistakes and teacher's feedback. Here the corrections and feedback are in italic.
Essay 1
Thank you Daria. You have done a great job. I like your ideas and the way you have built up the arguments in your essay. You can find my corrections and comments below. There is something I would like to add though: you have forgotten to add a title to your essay. An essay needs a title the same as the sky needs the moon. Please mind that in future.
The winter is my favorite season of the year. years’ season. (It is became like in the wonderland in winter) Winter is like a wonderland: the snow is glitterings, the streets shininge with colorful bulbs and garlands (“decorations” sounds much better) and people are warming their red noses and frozen hands in the cozy cafes. There is (the,) an atmosphere of a holiday everywhere. Why? Because the wWinter hHolidays are coming. Good.
The wWinter hHolidays are a the especial period. Even though/Although the winter is the coldest season, the Winter Holidays are full of warm meetings, hugs, smiles and a lot of/loads of fan. The Winter Holidays includes two significant holidays which are The New Year and The Christmas. Even though/Although However, this these (plural) holidays seems to be similar, there is a noticeable difference between them. The New Year is usually celebratesed in a huge group of people who makinge a big New Years’ party, whereas the Christmas is a more soulful and family holiday.
If you want to know why I like these holidays more than others, I will tell you. Firstly, The New Year is symbolizes the beginning of something new. We are always waiting for wonders and hoping for something better from the new year good to happen in the new year (fixed expression, very commonly used when we talk about the new year and our expectations) Secondly, as I said previously, The Christmas is a especial family holiday with warm and soulful atmosphere. It is the time when a whole family can gather for a celebratingion (“to celebrate” or “for the celebration”) and spentd a little time together. In addition, I have my bBirthday on 2 January the second that/which is between these (yes, correct usage, plural form) two holidays. Therefore, my bBirthday is also full of fairytales’ sensations which gives us the winter with it’s’ wonderful holidays.
To sum up, (I can say) / would like to say that the winter is full of kind and light holidays which are significant not only for me but for millions of people around the world. Moreover, I can add only one thing: believe in wonders, because it is one of the components of happiness. Good conclusion.
Essay 2
Thank you Maria. You have written a very good essay. You have used many of the linking words correctly. However, please mind the usage of prepositions to, the and a. Moreover, I would recommend a different name for the essay, for example, Christmas or Why Christmas is the best holiday for me? All my other comments are below.
About holidays
What do holidays mean for to me? It’s a great possibility to have a rest and a good chance to meet with relatives and friends. Moreover, we can go abroad and receive get new impressions. Neither now nor in childhood I had been feeling sad during holidays. And that’s bBecause holidays are great!
Most of all I like Christmas. It’s a very religious and mysterious holiday. Even though the weather is cold, it is very enthralling (enthralling means that something is exciting or fascinating, for instance skiing, travelling, bunjee-jumping. It’s a very strong adjective. I would recommend using less strong adjectives in this context like “homy” or “it is very pleasant or nice to sit in…) to sit at in the warm house with your family. Furthermore, I like to go to the church and listen to the Cchristmas carols. Maybe the reason in is that I’m from Lviv region and my family adheres has been always following to the traditions. But Wwe can compare Christmas with another holidays, (other holidays or another holiday) fFor example, with the Mother’s day Day of mother. It’s also a very pleasant holiday but is not so as exciting as Christmas. On the one hand, the Mother’s day Day of mother is a popular holiday. But on the other hand, some of us forget about it. (Good, but why? You have to provide a reason for your conclusion. For instance, “some of us forget about it because not many people celebrate it in our country”). As a result, Christmas is a more «native» holiday ? Unclear.
(To conclude, To sum up, To summarize, In conclusion can be used here as well) So, everybody has his/her own opinion and taste. We can like one holiday and dislike another one. To conclude, I would like to wish for everybodyone to have festive mood and never miss ? Unclear. Let’s believe in holidays and all will be fine in our lifes. Good conclusion.
